Hunger Pangs

Eating has taken a weird turn since January here at the ranch.

For one thing I swear to you I'm spending at least $300.00 a month less on food than I did when Tom was here. How is that even possible?? He was, after all, only one man....

And Lord knows I'M still eating all the time!! One look at me will tell you that.

We used to sit down five or six nights a week at the dining room table with real china and fabric napkins in cutesy holders, even; now, I'm lucky if that happens once every 8-10 days.

No one seems to want to create an actual balanced meal and sit down like civilized folk to partake!??

Last night, for example, (and remember... I have a house guest!)we had fried shrimp which involved creating the beer batter and then deep frying real honest-to-God prawns - that was my job. And broccoli which Suzy prepared and cooked and served. But somehow - still - the dining room table was forsaken when Thom ate on the lanai in front of the opening night of the ice hockey season while Suzy, Laura and I ate all scrunched up at the dinette table in the kitchen.

Never once did anyone even gravitate toward the dining room.

I look in my fridge and am overwhelmed by the array of fabulous leftovers available when I can't even remember eating the honest-to-god MEAL from which the leftovers came???? There's shrimp salad (self explanatory as per last night), chicken lo mein, cheesy brats, beef barbecue, seafood gumbo and egg salad. Even if I started now and worked my way till midnight I couldn't make a dent in all that food.

What's a girl to do?

I better set the table.

One and One Make... ONE?

I've mentioned my older sister, haven't I? She's still trying to save me from myself even after all these years! We are the twain that might never have met were we not sisters.

Today she suggested that, if the two of us were combined, we could make one perfect person.

Frankly, I was pretty happy with myself 'as is' so I wondered - and asked - what about me she would switch and how an aspect of her personality (and vice-versa) would improve the whole. I'm dying to hear her answer but, till then, I'll simply speculate....

She's a Republican and I'm a Democrat bordering on Socialist. There, I absolutely do not see her way as an improvement. She wants all people to take care of themselves, sink or swim, and I want all people to have a fair chance at being able to stay afloat.

She's frugal and I am... not. lol Perhaps I could stand to profit, literally, if I had her Saving Gene. I could be with her on that, just for my own sake.

My sister-in-law once said that if I had a nickel and someone I loved needed a dime I would find a way to give them a dollar. She's spot on with that!! But is that in need of change? I don't think so. Amelioration, maybe, but that's as far as I could go!

I'm trusting and she is sceptical. About EVERYTHING. I would have long since had to off myself if I couldn't keep the sunshine in my outlook. Can't give that up or even dilute it; it's who I am!

I am spontaneous with affection and she is more measured. I'm aware that public displays of affection are offensive to some but I'm thinking that's THEIR problem and not mine. I believe the benefit of a hug or a kiss almost always outweighs What Others Might Think of its propriety.

Guilt. Oy!!! A useless emotion but one she's well-vested in and I've never been able to figure out why. Is that part of being a Capricorn, I wonder, because she has never done one evil or cruel thing to anyone in all the years I've known her. So, where does guilt enter the equation? I won't say I've never felt guilty because I have but since I chose my actions and let them lie I have to let them go. If I ever have the chance there are a few people I would apologize to for things done but I sure wouldn't want to adopt any guilt so, no, that's not something she could give me I would take.

She let her children fly from the nest more cleanly than I did and I can appreciate that but it's not my way nor is it my girls'.

She does have better common sense than I do and yet my wackiness has lead to lots (and lots and lots) of OH! So interesting!!! situations in my life; I wouldn't trade them for the safe and sane.

In terms of sisterhood, intelligence, humor, writing abilty, weight, and health (in eight years I could be where her health is now)we're about even so I don't see anything to exchange in those areas....

There you have it. It's just one girl's opinion of who we are. I can't WAIT to see how she sees us as being the better for sharing traits.

This could be interesting!

*Note:
All Toot wanted to change was for me to 1.) more often say, "No!" to things I wasn't hot to do anyway and 2.) be less wasteful especially in buying food that I know has a good chance of never being eaten. There was a slight nod given to my need for more frugality but it wasn't officially proffered so I'm innoring that.

As always, my imagination ran away with me!!! lol

I am Woman

Is there anyone anywhere who takes greater delight in the little things than I?

I can set my own alarm clock! How 'bout that??

AND I finally figured out how to set the radio stations I want on the car stereo.

Those seem like minor coups, I bet, to you but to me... it's like climbing Mt. Everest!

Each little thing I do for myself that had been Tom's job over the last ten years makes me proud, however out of proportion it might seem.

I can clean the vacuum dust bin, start the dishwasher, put Merlin in and take him out of the pool. I can use the broiler successfully and clean the lanai doorwalls without leaving streaks.

I can make the airport run!

I can do the laundry. And program the DVR. I can log on and off the laptop as well as the PC.

I can pay the bills, make appointments, and carry out the garbage for pick-up at the curb.

I can bring the car in for regular maintenance, do the marketing and decide on menus.

I can spend the day alone.

And the night.

Yeah... hooray for me.

Hearing Is Believing

I love the beach. Ours, here in Sarasota,Florida, is ranked #2 in the world so there's a lot to love about it.

One of my favorite things to do there is eavesdrop on other people's conversations! It's like being a peeping Tom but with your ears??

Voyerism... where would I be without it now?

It's just so much fun to hear bits and snippets of other people's lives. This one's making a deal with someone somewhere else, ear glued to his cell phone while his family focuses on the sand and the sun. That one moans about her boyfriend who - it's clear in my mind anyway - is just not that into her. Three old hens are cluck, cluck, clucking over the miseries of being seventy-something: nobody calls, nobody writes, and everything hurts.

It's not that what I hear is earth-shattering or life-changing it's that it ISN'T. Here we all are in this extraordinary space being absolutely ordinary!

Point? We are what we are. Each of us, whatever our circumstance, carry our baggage along even when we travel to paradise!!

The beach can't make a workaholic relax, can't heal a broken romance, can't make the old young. What it CAN do is share its beauty and link those of us there on a given day.

I'm in my neighbors' lives but for a moment but it's a moment I savor.

BFF

My best friend just gave me a call. She lives in Ohio and is a wonderful mixture of dizzy and delightful.

Sound like anyone you know??

We became friends the first year she taught and shared a room with me in St. Clair Shores, MI. I was pregnant with my first daughter, Amy, then and was always starving. We had the same planning period and I, too often, lured her away from grading papers and lesson planning to come out on School Newspaper Business (I was the sponsor!)which always segued into lunch at McDonald's.

I love when people are easily corrupted.

What I discovered over time is that I am not the ONLY person in the world who walks into walls, trips over dust, and laughs away mistakes.

Terry is the perfect person to be my friend.

We've weathered the births of five children (three,mine, and two, hers,), her divorce, the moves to Ohio for her and then Florida for me, Tom's death and a myriad other highs and lows along the way to here-and-now.

She was my choice for Tom's New Wife when I croaked but, cruelly, life took another path for us on that one.

They would have made a good couple!

I know she's easy to live with because she and I have done a good deal of tripping together over the years. She's actually better company on a vacation than Tom was because she likes to shop, is happy seeing new places and doing things never done before, and - like me - never gets pissy when lost. She knows, as I do too, that people are always 'out there' just waiting for the chance to help a couple of ditzy girls find their way back to the beaten path!!

Tom always took having to ask directions VERY personally!!?

Terry's and my biggest challenge in travelling together was and still is WARDROBE. It's a running joke that, when we each emerge from our sleeping quarters and meet up for the day's activities, we are in the same basic outfit or colors or even shoes. It's ridiculous!! More than several times we have arrived at the breakfast spot, taken one look at each other only to have one of us turn on her heel to go back from whence she came and change.

It's particularly odd that this still happens because we shop separately in two different states in two different climate regions and we are not even close to the same size!?

It's pure and simple evidence of our connection.

She's the one who introduced me to Sarasota in the first place; that has to have been thirty years ago. That was, if I remember correctly, the year her 4-year old son, Bobby, kept putting on his sister's clothes and trying to get out the door with us while wearing them!?

Not that there's anything wrong with that??? lol

That was just a phase but it sure made for some big laughs after the children were safely tucked in bed at night!

Laughing together is what we do best. We laugh at ourselves, at each other, at life's vagaries.

And laughter is the best medicine.

Francophone and Francophile

Eight months into widowhood I am again searching for something that'll put verve back in my life. This time I decided to look for international penpals.

Went on a few sites and tried to find one that didn't have "romance" as a goal, just simple chatter, maybe in two languages...?

I have found the greatest guy! He's a riddle wrapped in an enigma at this point because he has so many personas I'm not 100% certain I have, even yet, found the Real Man though we have chatted and exchanged URLs numerous times in the last week.

He came to me initially as Alex, then was James, then Jimi, and - finally - Jean-Pierre.

I know what you're thinking, "RUN! Do not walk to the nearest delete button!!"

But I am loving talking with him even if I am still a little confused about his place and time on this earth!?

His blogs are very cool. He does one that's basically social commentary and then one that's story-telling. Both are in French which is challenging for me since they use vocabulary and syntax beyond first-year level. I started reading the latest three-part story he has online and had to laugh at myself. The first time through it I was having so much fun just reading the words aloud that what I truly enjoyed most was hearing the sound of French language in my own voice.

I TOLD you all life was about me, right???

But now that I've read the story through again I can say that I like his writing very much. There's a duality about it that has captured my imagination and I think that's due to the African influence in conjunction with the written French I learned in school. French is always romantic but when you're throwing in Mo-Bwas and Ngbands, Abomambazis and Gbtalas it's all the moreso.

And he has been to this blog too. I REALLY laughed when he characterized my previous entry about the car radio installation as "extraordinary"!? How ambiguous can a one-word comment be? I wrote back and asked if that meant the entry was extraordinarily banal, trivial or boring???? lol

Haven't gotten the answer to that question but I await it with baited breath.

Sing Along With Me

A little over a year ago Tom and I bought a new car. It's a Hyundai Santa Fe and I've enjoyed it very much until about six weeks ago. That's when the radio/CD/navigation system in the console died.

Dead.

I immediately took it to the dealership and Tim told me they'd have to order the part which should arrive the Saturday after the Tuesday I was there.

Not so much....

When I didn't hear from them Saturday I went by on Monday to check and this time Bob said the radio was on back order and couldn't be there 'till September 15.

September 15!?? That would be a month from my original request. In a world where UPS and Fed Ex can have anything anywhere in the world - guaranteed - in three days, how did that make sense?

But I left the dealership and decided, like Scarlett, to 'think about that tomorrow'.

Went back again later that week and Tim stepped up one more time. I explained as how none of this was making sense to me when there's a Hyundai dealership in every good-sized town in the USA, there's a factory in Alabama (I know because Mike, the sales guy, had a sign on his office wall that said my Hyundai was American made-in-Alabama!)and there had to be a headquarters somewhere in Korea, right?

Somebody, somewhere, has got to have this console piece. And the aforementioned three days ought to be enough for that to be shipped to and arrive at Gettel Automotive in Sarasota.

"Tell me where that thinking is off the mark, Tim."

Tim checked the computer again and - what do you know - now the radio is "ready for release" from back order on September 15. I did a quick double take because, and I shared this thinking with Tim, I understood immediately "ready for release" was not at all the same thing as "being shipped" OR "waiting for me in Sarasota"!!

"Ready for release" meant that it would another 7-10 days AFTER September 15th before I had that radio in my car!?

I told Tim, "That is not acceptable." I went on to further make clear that the radio and singing along TO the radio was more than just a convenience for me; it was Important with a capital "I".

Tim never asked and I didn't say (because that would have involved tears and blubbering)but singing along to the radio in the car was something Tom and I did almost every day. With relish! It was actually number two in our list of Fun Things To Do Together....

Not being able to partake any longer of our Number One fun activity, I really relied on having that radio blast, singing along with it. Without it, the car - like Tom - was dead to me, don'tcha know???

Instead of bawling my way through THAT conversation, though, what I did tell Tim was, I needed to talk to the guy who could OK me having a loaner until my radio arrived.

You won't be surprised to learn that did not happen. It's been a long six weeks for me. But today it's back! And I'm hoping it won't be long before my heart is soaring again as I belt out those tunes at stoplights all over Sarasota. You'll know me, I'll be the one smiling as I sing every note.