Can't We All Just Get Along??

Is anybody out there GOOD at being mad?

It takes a lot to provoke me all the way to anger but once I'm 'mad as hell and ain't gonna take it any more' I never ever ever feel the better for saying it is so.

For one thing, I can't express anger verbally without crying like an idiot. I hate to cry because my eyes feel like they're filled with sand for a minimum 36 hours afterward and - besides that - I can't cry delicately. I see actresses crying who still manage to look attractive but that is so not me! My face gets all blotchy and my eyelids swell, I drool sometimes, my nose always runs... it's a mess.

I CAN, however, write a scathing note guaranteed to shame the person I'm mad at! I can say exactly what I mean when I write a tongue lashing. I suppose that's better than nothing but still it seems like the coward's way out.

Grown up humans ought to be able to face the person that angered them and hash out whatever is the bone of contention, shouldn't they? But then that whole crying scenario comes into play and I look like a pathetic child anyway so what difference does it make in the long run??

By now you've guessed I've got an anger issue going on. It doesn't happen very often because I'm generally a Big Picture person and know without being told what motivates people to act the way they do. Seeing everything in broad context allows me to be generous of spirit and let people do stupid things without taking it personally.

Most of the time.

But occassionally just the right thing at just the right moment will set me off. It usually has to do with injustice and - of course - at this particular juncture of my life I'm all emotion anyway. The Perfect Storm, if you will.

I've said what I needed to say in black and white, the offending person has apologized (even if more defiant than contrite!), it should be done and over with. I've said it is. I want it to be.

Frankly, I could do without the added drama!

But I find I'm still feeling pissy. I know time heals all wounds (and wounds all heels!) but I just want to put it behind me and get on with accepting my new life with as much joy as I can muster minute by minute.

Maybe what I really need is to forgive MYSELF? Yes. I may have hit paydirt there. I'm not perfect, I'm not a saint, I'm just The Widow Judy trying to get along in the world.

So, for God's sake, Judy, GET ALONG and let's get on with it.