The Wheel of Grief!

I went to a group meeting last night sponsored by Tidewell Hospice here in Sarasota. I didn't know what to expect because, well, I've never LOST a husband before this but I wanted to give it a try to basically see if there might be some insights to be had regarding the disconnect I feel between my brain and my heart.

The moderator and two other people who'd also lost a spouse were in attendance. The stories were sadly similar in that each of their loved ones suffered through a long period of hospice care before they passed on.

They listened sympathetically to my shocking tale of Tom's 'here-one-minute-gone-the-next' passing.

What I came away with is, it doesn't matter one bit whether you have two years to prepare or zero minutes losing the one you love is just plain hard!

Clearly, they were in as much pain six months after losing their spouse as I was at the tender date of four weeks. More, in fact, because they each still longed to have their love back and I, while hating to have to, know there IS no going back - the only viable path left open is moving forward.

The counselor sent me home with a packet of information intended to assist the griever in understanding the general process. The format of one particular page, however, totally made me lol!!

It was entitled, I'm paraphrasing, "The Wheel of Grief" and while its message was completely on target - time will see you through the stages and you'll eventually come around to finding a new life with your spouse's death integrated but no longer central to your being - all I could see as I looked at it was "The Wheel of Wow!"

My grandchildren all love Webkinz - they are small stuffed animals that come with a computer site dedicated to the care and feeding of these creatures. The site offers games to play which the kids' Webkinz and mine can do together despite the fact theirs are in Michigan and mine are in Florida. One thing we all get to do every day is spin "The Wheel of Wow!" It offers 85% - 90% fun items to be won but there's always a couple spaces you hope to avoid.

HELLO???! Isn't that what's happening with those of us facing the grief process every day?

Even on the hardest rawest days of grief aren't there always SOME good things offered to us? Friends and family come by or call giving hugs and kisses, they bring food, tell us they love us and that we are not alone.

Of course these things can't fill the gaping hole where our spouse used to be but they can and do help to ease the pain of that void. Getting a plate of brownies or a tuna casserole may not be snagging the Princess Poster Bed or the Pirate Treasure off "The Wheel of Wow" but it's a start.