Try, Try, Again

Too too many tears today!

Being on the lanai still kills me. Tom would be disappointed with the big baby I'm being.

We had so much fun out there! My heart just bleeds without him being under the sun and the stars with me.

I see him in every space out there, so entirely happy with our life here: doing his goofy pool exercises to 50's and 60's tunes, playing Rummikub and keeping a weekly score to declare a "World Champion", lounging by the hot water outflow doing a "Pool Stand" when the water was really too cold for swimming, pushing me on the floaty so I could stay in the Lazy River, sunbathing, both of us singing old Rock-n-Roll songs aloud, grilling at least four times a week, cheering for the Tigers, watching MSNBC ad nauseum, feeding/naming/establishing a relationship with the 6-7 herons who came to the door every day for pieces of hot dogs, talking to the wild parrots who came to the bird feeder telling them to 'bring your friends', finding stars in the telescope at night, watching the hawks hunt, looking for the fox who ran though the yard many mornings, mocking the golfers on the 14th tee behind our house, chatting with our girls and grands on the portable phone, and always... loving me and being loved in return.

I miss him so.

Lucky as I am with all the love I have in my life, and I AM lucky, I long for his.

There'll be a point, I'm sure, when I will be out there without puddling up; I have no doubt of that. Life goes on. But right now, this minute, today, is not that day.

Luckily for me, there'll be another day to do better tomorrow.

And so I shall,

Try.